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July 1966

Rabbi Lamm Clarifies (1966)

Marriage & Sexuality
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A Jewish Response to the New Morality (1968)

I. Israel: am, goy. But at beginning: mishpahah. Stability Jewish family (despite silly jokes). Now: divorce, alcoholism, delinquency, and inter-marriage. Story: Who needs a home? Now have to add: New morality. Two versions or components: a) Hugh Heffner – Playboy – “bunnies”; b) Sex community – personalistic and anti-tradition. II. Heffner: bachelor morality – “cool,” impersonal, woman inferior: depersonalized to “thing.”III. Morality: based on home, family, marriage. Talmud: every successful marriage a triangle – Shechinah ish and ishah – esh and Name of God. Kiddushin – holy and Nisuin – elevated.Purposes Marriage: 2 accounts of creation: perpetuation, companionship. a) Peru u’revu – Hillel & Shammai. Need for J. pop. explosion. b) Lo tov heyot ha-adam levado. Raavad: Sex and sexuality. Y. Z. Mecklenburg tov. Also: animals created with mates, man must yearn for one, earn her love. (Talmud – always realistic and unprudish – yet delicate, sensitive. HAKOL YODIN KALLAH LAMAH NIKHNESAM LE’CHUPPAH)IV. Approach to Sex as such: Two extreme views sex – both based on common source. Gnosticism – duality worlds, contempt this world. Hence against strongest involvement, which is sexual love. So: anti-sexual.This antagonism expressed 2 opposite ways: abuse or non-use, libertinism or asceticism, pagan-orgiastic or Christian-monastic.Modern variants: pagan–Hafner; ascetic–celibacy. Judaism: opposed paganism. Giluy arayot. Yehareg v’al yaavor. Reading on Yom Kippur: Perishah me’arayot.Also opposed: Christian – “Better marry than burn.” Jesus and Paul bachelors. We: Kiddushin – Humans sanctify, can desecrate. Judaism’s Sex Theory: no contradiction betw. morality and sexuality.V. Hence: Judaism unequivocally opposed to Heffner’s “New Morality.” Remarkably, J. opposition to Playboy not only because latter exploitative – but: latter too anti-sexual!Second version: sex community. Ag[ain]st Heffner: discard trad. moral restraints. But diametrically opposed on depersonalization. E…
Marriage & Sexuality

Speech

Sexuality and Sex: Philosophical Background and Some Practical Guidelines for Orthodox Jewish Teenagers (1969)

(1) I begin with the assertion that to discuss sex as such is already to distort any perspective that can give it meaning. For we must consider not only sex, as a purely biological act, but sexuality in the sense of maleness and femaleness that includes but far transcends the merely biological relationship, which bespeaks that infinitely varied and delightfully subtle interplay of personal factors that make the relationship between man and woman so endlessly interesting and fulfilling. Only with animals is the relationship between male and female restricted to sex; with humans, it must include sex, but must be built upon sexuality in its broadest ramifications. It is because sexuality is so inclusive, that your conduct and orienta- tion towards this one area of life is really an index and a measure of your entire personality. Because sex cannot be separated Tout)from all the rest of your life, therefore, how you conduct yourselves, how you speak, how you think, how you act in this area really tells us every- thing about yourself. (2) The background. Ancient pagans -- sex glorificatL on, fertility rites, example: frog-woman deity in ancient Egypt and the plague of frogs. Fertility rites as a tie-in of sex and economics. -2- Christian reaction: revulsion, as ”reaction” pulling to the opposite extreme: celibacy and monasticism. Paul: ”Better to marry than to burn.” Marriage and sex as a concession -- therefore, marriage as a sacrament. The devil resides in the flesh. Sex as the original sin -- the relation of the serpent and Eve as an adulter- ous one. Hence, profoundly negative attitude towards sex. Jesus, Paul and other founders of Christianity were bachelors. Today: on a conscious level, the New Morality is reversion to ancient paganism. But inwardly, I suspect the old Christian negativism towards sex remains in force. For the constant and determined effort to reach new lows of morality in such things as public display of nudity indicates a desire for compensation,…
Marriage & Sexuality

Correspondence

Exchange with Dr. Morrow about Statement on Judaism's View on Sex Education (1967)

Dear Dr. Morrow: Enclosed please find the statement on Judaism's view of sex education which you solicited from me. Would you be kind enough to let me know when it is to appear in print, and to let me have two or three copies of the journal when it is published. Sincerely, Rabbi Norman Lamm: Judaism has no "official" view on sex education; only recently have efforts been made to introduce such study into the curriculum of Jewish schools. Nevertheless, the following guidelines may be said to be in consonance with the classic sources of Judaism:**Sex education should concern itself with the attainment of mental health** as part of the striving for holiness, which is the self-transcendence achieved by conscious conformity with the divine Law.**Optimally, such instruction should take place in and form part of the religious education** of the youngster. The parents’ responsibility is primarily that of holding up to the child a model of trust and love; the elementary biological information should preferably be given by the teacher.**Sex should be viewed as part of the total personality** and not restricted to the act and apparatus of reproduction. Therefore, in addition to biology plus a short course on marriage and family, it should also be related to all the other relevant religious and ethical studies in the curriculum.**While the facts should be transmitted openly and without embarrassment,** care should be taken not only not to weaken but to reinforce the youngster's natural sense of modesty.Rabbi Norman Lamm, Ph.D.
Marriage & Sexuality