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Shul Bulletin

December 15, 1967

Law and Love, Part 1: Love Thy Wife as Thyself (1967)

Halachik Method Marriage & Sexuality
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Law and Love, Part 2: Flower Power? (1967)

Having said all this (and it should be understood as a self-evident principle), we must add that love itself is an insufficient basis for life. King Solomon, the wisest of all men, proclaimed that azah ka-mavet ahavah, “love is as strong as death.” Love is powerful, one of the most powerful forces in the universe; but, unregulated and undirected, it can also be deadly and destructive. Why is this so? First, without law we cannot distinguish between licit and illicit love; the limits of love’s expression are gone, and one does not know where it will lead. Second, human love, for all its eminence in life and in doctrine, does not remain the highest value of all. Judaism teaches man that he must submit his entire life and his most cherished commitments to the higher authority of God Himself. There is a love that transcends our love for parents and wife and children—and that is love for God. There is a judgment that surpasses any human judgment no matter how ethical-—and that is the divine judgment. This, indeed, is the teaching of the akedah: Abraham, despite his passionate and deathless love for his only son, bows his head and submits to the divine decree to offer up his only son as a sacrifice. The law of God takes precedence over the love of man.Third, without law, love not only “conquers all,” but it destroys all—including itself! Law is that which allows love to endure within the context of life. The mitzvot provide the framework in which true and authentic love can flourish; other-wise it is in danger of spending itself prematurely. Look at our society: rarely before in human history has the word “love” been as popular. Despite some recent assertions that “love is dead,” it remains the cheapest commodity on the market today. It fills the scrapbooks of countless teenagers, it is the chief attraction of all pulp magazines, it is sentimentally blared forth on television and peddled in the cinema. At the same time, our society is successively discarding all traditio…
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Law and Love, Part 3: Act Lovingly to Thy Neighbor (1968)

Finally, we must not ignore those (and they may well be a majority of human beings) who cannot or do not experience love. Such people are no less decent, no less sensitive, no less moral or ethical than those who do love. They have every right to a decent life and to the protection of their emotions, of their families, of their children – no less so than those blessed with the gift of feeling love. Jewish law attempts to create the conditions under which love can flourish in human relationships, and under which people can live humanly with each other even if they do not attain love. If one examines the consistent manner in which the Talmudic Sages applied the commandment ve’ahavta le'reiakha kamokha, he will discover that its correct translation ought to be not “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” but “Act lovingly towards thy neighbor as thou wouldst act towards thyself” (see the commentary of Rabbi S. R. Hirsch on this verse). It is precisely because of Judaism’s concern for the integrity of marriage and home that it legislates on such matters. In fact, the more important the subject, the more does Judaism hedge it about with laws. It is because marriage is so sacred and sexuality so sensitive that the Torah prefers to protect it legally rather than wax poetic about it romantically. Torah considers marriage and family and yihus (the legitimacy of lineage) so significant, that it will not allow them to be left to the whim of sudden passion and instantaneous infatuation.That is why gittin and kiddushin (divorce and marriage) abound in such complex technicalities. Marriage is a lifelong relationship of the most significant and far-reaching consequences which is initiated by a single ceremony or contract. Therefore, we must make sure that both parties know exactly what they are doing, that both offer their free and untrammelled consent, in order that no avoidable errors be perpetuated. Hence, the Halakhah’s insistence upon the formality of the ring, of the witnesses, of …
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Law and Love, Part 4: Caution!! (1969)

These considerations afford us the opportunity to recall that very special care must be taken in any matter relating to marriage or any situation where there exists the possibility of mamzerut, illegitimacy. Too much depends upon this, and so every precaution must be taken in advance. Hence, we must make sure that if, as often happens in the course of life, we are ever beset by a problem in this area, we always inquire of competent rabbinical authority — and the emphasis is on the word “competent.” It is unfortunate that people are sometimes innocently misled and later discover that they are involved in horrendous problems. Orthodox Jews — and, for that matter, all other Jews — must remember that rabbinic functionaries in marital matters must be fully Orthodox, experts in the area, and ethical individuals. The disqualification of those who do not fully accept the authority of Jewish Law is not a matter of pique or institutional rivalry, but of principle and law as well as common sense. Unfortunately, there are some few “Orthodox” rabbis whose credentials are questionable, and one must therefore always check carefully in advance — no less than one solicits opinions about the reputation of a dentist or a surgeon. Happily, the Rabbinical Council of America has in recent years established a fully qualified and smoothly functioning Beth Din to which most Orthodox rabbis now refer questions of ishut.These matters, about which very special care should be exercised, include divorce; remarriage or marriage of any person who has previously been married; proselytization or marrying a proselyte or a descendant of a proselyte; artificial insemination; the adoption of children, whether Jewish or non-Jewish. The problems that exist in such cases can be enormous; most of the unhappy consequences are avoidable if we are wise enough to inquire before proceeding impulsively.The Torah is the center of our lives as individuals and as a people. Its mitzvot guide our conduct, its ideals …
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