Dear _______, On _______, your Bar Mitzvah was held in Congregation Kodimoh. You will remember that prior to that important event in your life, on _______, we had an intimate chat in my office during which one or both of your parents were present. At that time, I pointed out to you that the whole procedure of Bar Mitzvah was just a farce unless you followed it up in a special way. I told you that it meant that from then on you were to be a “good Jew” – and that the way to do that was to lead a Jewish way of life. Particularly, I urged you to put on your tefillin every morning and daven at least the Shema and the Shemoneh Esrei – to come to services at Kodimoh every Saturday and holiday morning – and to participate in the activities of our teen-age group, the “Bnei Mitzvah,” which meets every Sunday morning at 9:00 a.m. for their minyan and which is followed by breakfast and a meeting. In my office, on that day, you promised me the following: —. I am sure that as an honorable person you want to keep your word, and that as a good Jew you will want to live in such a manner that will prove that your Bar Mitzvah was something serious and sincere. I therefore write to you to remind you of your promise, and to tell you that I anxiously look forward to greeting you as a “regular” at our Saturday services (they begin at 8:30 a.m. – you may come a little later if you wish) and our Sunday morning breakfast minyan (9:00 a.m. – be prompt, please!). I am confident that you will not disappoint me. Cordially, Rabbi Norman Lamm

We often try without success to impress parents of young boys with the fact that the Bar Mitzvah ceremony is a religious occasion, and not an occasion for social advancement and unlimited spending. Now, however, we have a legal decision to lend weight to our words. Perhaps now some more parents of prospective Bar Mitzvah boys will cooperate in restoring the spiritual tone of the ceremony, and stamp as social exhibi-tionism the vulgar extravagance that has come to characterize this reli-gious ceremony. Parents who have always understood this, but have felt impelled to “go along” with the “others,” can now find support from this unexpected source:The November 6, 1957, official edi-tion of Law Reports and Session Laws, State of New York, carries on page 99 a decision handed down by Justice Samuel H. Hofstadter of the New York Supreme Court, involving the parents of a twelve year old boy who was being prepared for Bar Mitzvah. The parents made applica-tion to withdraw the entire proceeds of the boy’s funds resulting from a settlement of a personal injury action. A deposit of $100 had been paid to a Bronx caterer for a dinner-recep-tion, and the Court was petitioned for permission to deplete the child’s moneys in order to pay the balance.Justice Hofstadter permitted thewithdrawal of less than one-third of the amount requested, and accom-panied his decision with the following statement:“The Bar Mitzvah ceremony is a solemnization of a boy’s becoming a *son of commandment,’ and should encourage him in the path of right-eousness. It was never intended to be a vehicle for mere entertainment and display. It signalizes a boy’s religious coming of age as a ‘son of the Law’; the religious practices of his faith are now incumbent upon him. The spiritual values the occasion sym-bolizes may not be relegated to second place in favor of a gesture of con-spicuous consumption. It would be more fitting if the funds belonging to this boy were utilized to initiate, or to continue, his ed…