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Correspondence

May 25, 1964

Letter of Condolences to Natalie Schacter (1964)

Death & Mourning
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Letter of Condolences to J. Kletsky (1962)

Dear Jay: I do not know how to begin this letter. I just read of the terrible news in the Springfield Jewish News and called Lou Izenstein immediately. Mindy and I are still reeling from the impact of the shock. How contradictory and antithetical the very thought of death is to all Lillian was. Lively, vibrant, dynamic, blessed with a gracious vigor, hers was the kind of personality one quite naturally assumes is immortal. One never associates such people with anything but the tempo, rhythm, and excitement of life itself.Although we were not in contact with you since you left for Florida and we for New York, we thought of the two of you often. And whenever we did, the memory of Lil’s liveliness and loveliness suffused us with the warmth of old friendship reawakened, if only for a few precious moments. Tears, certainly, but words are a poor and utterly inadequate substitute for her presence. Yet I know that she would have, in her characteristic fashion, dismissed all excessive eulogizing and extravagant emotions as unnecessary and undesirable.You’ve lost a lot, Jay, but few people have drunk as deeply from the cup of happiness as have you and Lil. Legions of men would gladly trade in all of their future for but a slice of your past. G-d blessed you with a wonderful and no one can now deprive you of your precious and blessed memories. May they be, for you and your children, a source of everlasting strength and comfort.Sincerely,RABBI NORMAN LAMM
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Letter of Condolences upon the Loss of a Child (1964)

Dear Mr. and Mrs. [redacted], Although writing and talking is supposed to be my stock and trade, I confess to very great difficulties in writing this letter. I was shocked much beyond words and grief-stricken beyond any expression by the terrible, dreadful news of the premature death of your beloved boy, ע״ה. Your feeling of loss needs no confirmation by myself, nor will it do much good for me to affirm our total ignorance in the face of what fate dealt you. Having known him during his formative years, having loved this precious child and always having had the warmest feelings for his parents, I suppose that I am one amongst the many who shared such affections to remain helpless in trying to offer my consolations.It does no good to try to seek explanations at a time of this sort. No answers really suffice; no questions are really relevant. All of Jewish thought and tradition teaches us that the period of mourning was instituted not to increase grief but to express it and to get it out of your system; to learn — however hard the lesson might be — to reconcile yourself with the new facts; above all, to talk out all your hidden feelings and to devote your energies, dreams, and ambitions to the life that is ahead of you and your family.It is quite normal over such occasions to think back to the things we did that we think we should not have done, and to those things we did not do which, in retrospect, we think we should have done. Especially in the case of a child, such thoughts plague the mind and destroy whatever peace we seek for ourselves.Please, therefore, take the advice of a friend: after having expressed such feelings — and they should be talked out — forget them. It is no use mulling over the past. No human being is perfect. No parent, no child, no brother, no sister. But it is a terrible mistake to allow grief to degenerate into bitterness and mourning into self-accusation.Now is the time to begin that difficult period of reconciliation and of looking to the …
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Correspondence

Letter of Condolences to Dr. Gross (1973)

Dear Moishe: It is so difficult to say anything that is meaningful, that I feel it is almost best to say nothing at all. But פטור בלא כלום אי אפשר, hence this note. Mindy and I were dismayed by the dreadful news that Lennie brought to us. We are still in a state of shock. All I can say is that I feel for you very very deeply. All those who know you are broken hearted with you. Because my own words must of necessity be so faulty and inadequate, let me wish you consolation (though I am a bit late for official nechama) in our traditional way – המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים. May the New Year bring you a full measure of nechama and may you begin to emerge from the darkness of the past year into new light and away out of your difficulties. With all my friendship and affection, Cordially yours, Rabbi Norman Lamm.
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