Science is my shepherd, I shall not want. It maketh me to lie down in an in-a-door bed, that will fold away in the daytime, creating the illusion that we have a large apartment.

It sweepeth my wife’s floors, washeth her dishes, ordereth her groceries, maintaineth 70 degrees inside the house, 45 degrees inside the iceless icebox, and 212 degrees on top of the electric stove.

It furnisheth her with radio and tv music, salad recipes, quiz shows and the president’s message while she watcheth the scientific things hum & buzz. It restoreth her school girl complexion, waveth her hair, and maketh her seem altogether youthful.

Meanwhile it leadeth me into strange paths of ethical conduct where, under the guise of “service,” I can continue to fleece my fellow man... and make money, which I need on the first of the month to keep up the bluff that we are prosperous.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for I will have my tonsils, adenoids and vermiform appendix removed ... For science is with me, its test tubes and laboratory findings, they comfort me. It preprareth a well-filled table before me, in the present of those who are less fortunate in the mad scramble for place & power. It annoineth my head with lanolone: my cup runneth over with metracal.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I shall dwell on earth as long as I possibly can, and come to the end with an overwhelming sense of the emptiness of life, and I shall be filled with regrets forever.