Dear Dr. Lamm,

Allow me to introduce myself. I am a “caveman”! Yes, a real live caveman who lives and learns in Lakewood in the twentieth century. Although unlike yourself I cannot pepper my words with Latin in italics, since I am a caveman, I do speak yeshivishe shprach. Surely it will be difficult for you to understand, since you have been out of the cave for so long, but I will try to use multi-syllable English words as you are accustomed to.

I recently heard, in my cave of course, that you have been making quite a racket. No, I’m not talking about the perverted clubs sponsored by your enclave known as YU. I’m talking about your recent cry for “Jewish unity” in the Conservative/Reform debate. I had recently read in my favorite magazine, The Modern Caveman, a quote of yours: “communal peace is also a principle of Judaism… (we must) compromise and (put) cooperation ahead of theological differences.” Are you for real? Surely you know the explanation of Rav Chaim Soloveitchik zt”l in parshas Pinchas. The bris shalom was given specifically to Pinchas. The reason, Rav Chaim explains, is that sometimes the “way of peace” can chas veshalom lead to Klal Yisroel’s destruction. It was only Pinchas, with his “caveman” attitude, who pacified the wrath of Hashem. Therefore he was most worthy of this bris since his act was, in essence, an act of peace. Cooperation with the Reform and Conservative can only destroy Klal Yisroel ch”v. The true path for unity and peace can only be to fight them. Your own Rebbe, Rabbi J.B. Soloveitchik z”l, forbade any cooperation with them, as is well known… or was he too a caveman?

But enough with this international stuff. I am a caveman after all. I want to ask you, sir, what do you mean when you label thousands upon thousands of bnei Torah and yirei Shamayim as “cavemen”? How exactly are you more enlightened than the rest of us? How exactly has your institution created a better Jew? Has your emunah become so much stronger than ours through your analysis of Kierkegaard and other apikorsim? Are your middos so much more refined than ours by reading the works of menuvalim such as Shakespeare and Freud? Since the times of Shem and Ever, the original “cavemen,” Jews have been learning al taharas hakodesh, but somehow you know better.

“We who study and teach at Yeshiva (University) essentially live in a marvelous enclave… But it is an ‘enclave’ and not a ‘cave.’ We are not sealed off from the world… We shall ever heed the voice that bids us, ‘Leave the cave!’” Dr. Lamm, who is this “voice”? Which gadol decided it is time to leave? Surely you don’t mean your own faculty of talmidei chachamim. Surely Rabbis Yehuda Parness, Aaron Kahn, Abba Bronspigel, and even Rabbi Zevulun Charlop, whose own sons learn in the “Great Cave of Lakewood,” do not preach what they themselves do not practice. That is not to mention the other Rebbeim whose sons are in various caves in America and Eretz Yisroel.

What happened to your “marvelous enclave”? One does “marvel” how all your top talmidim who “compare to other advanced yeshivos” abandon your philosophy, as is well known in your own school. When they taste Torah “aflame with dedication” they run from your “enclave” to… THE CAVE! Where is the “purity of ideals” that you boast of? Your own Rebbeim, who are out of the cave, are sending their own sons back to the cave. If the cave “is not a natural habitat for the Torah,” why the hypocrisy?

Dr. Lamm, let’s get serious. You have crossed the border again. With your demeaning and degrading words you have belittled thousands of talmidei chachamim as well as yourself. For one who preaches “Jewish unity,” you are doing a terrible job. A sincere apology and retraction of your words is in order, as well as a little soul-searching. There is no reason to continue fighting with the rest of Klal Yisroel. The fact is, Klal Yisroel is baruch Hashem doing teshuvah and moving to the “right,” that is, the real “center.” Your “centrist” approach has failed and your own talmidim can attest to that.

With all sincerity, come join us in our “cave” and help us, like Pinchas, fight the real sonei Hashem. Do what you really know is right. We need your help, not your labels. Come before it’s too late. As statistics show, “centrism” is dying. It’s only a question of time until it too becomes extinct like… the caveman!

Sincerely,

[redacted]

Lakewood, N.J.