Letter about Mediating in a Dispute in a Synagogue (2006)

This letter highlights Rabbi Lamm’s role as a mediator during communal disputes.

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Attempt to Mediate in a Synagogue Dispute (2006)

I met with [REDACTED] for quite a lengthy period on November 1. Much of it was a review of his rather radical position, his tangible hatred for [REDACTED]. I told him I have no interest in adjudicating between them. I can understand his pain and his hurt, but my interest is not the past but the future – I do not want the battle to be resumed publicly and result in a Hillul Hashem. After I spoke until “blue in the face,” I suggested that he should be less strict about demanding that [REDACTED] publicly apologize, etc. I told him I will try to get [REDACTED] to express his regrets at the way things have developed and his wishes that it had turned out differently, and his hopes that they can work together from now on. I asked [REDACTED] to think about it, and I noticed a tremor, a hint, a trace of possible acceptance of my suggestion. I also know that it will be equally hard, if not more, to get [REDACTED] to agree that the hatchet must be buried, and some statement must be forthcoming from him. My suggestion was that he should write, “I am aware of all the pain and grief that has occurred because of the strife between myself and certain people at [REDACTED], and I wish it were not so. I regret that that has gone on for some months. I believe it is time for reconciliation, in which all those who have injured others by word or deed, whether intentionally or unintentionally, express regret for their actions. I certainly include myself in that category, and hope that others will, in all honesty and modesty, agree that none of us is completely innocent.” This statement, I admit, is one that I reconstructed after speaking to [REDACTED]. Then, I said that the statement by [REDACTED] should be simple: “I regret that I was involved in the controversy which has caused so much grief for our synagogue, and that many people have been hurt. From my part, I regret any responsibility that may be mine, and hope that others will do likewise.” I should wait about a week or two to hear …

Passionate Moderation

Letter Seeking to Diffuse Community Strife (1975)

Dear [redacted]: Thank you for your unusual new year greeting. It is a rare instance of something that is both computerized and personalized! I am distressed that, according to your report, the other side in the recent controversy did not live up to your full expectations. However, from reports that I received, there was no open mutiny – and that means thus the dignity of the organization, as well as the reputation of the cause for which it came into being, emerged unscathed. That, I think, is the really important result. That is no small achievement, and both sides are to be congratulated for their self-restraint. I do regret that there were undercurrents of rumors of other kinds, but I would beg you not to be bitter about it. You lived up to your commitments, and I am sure that you will never have reason to regret it. I am pleased and proud at your conduct, and I am deeply grateful that you acceded to my request. Even though I was not successful in naming a compromise candidate, I do believe that the final results were better than they could have been without any intervention. Do accept my very warmest good wishes for a healthful and happy new year, one in which you will achieve a great deal both personally and communally. Now that you are in our area, I do hope I will have the pleasure of seeing you much more often. Warmest good wishes for a – cordially yours, Rabbi Norman Lamm.

Miscellaneous

Letter from Elliot Gertel about United Synagogue Article (1973)

Jewish Education